did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
