I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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