Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
