I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
