Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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