Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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