We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
