there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
