so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
it glows. i had to have it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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