he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
