I think im going to throw up on grandma
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
