awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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