My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
