6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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