It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
