I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
