Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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