just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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