Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
