It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
