i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
