Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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