After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
