The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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