Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
you never un-have a 4some
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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