So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
honey bunches of taint.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
