I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
