Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
