woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
