I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
