I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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