I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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