There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
sex in a hospital.. check
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
