So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
