Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
