You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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