TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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