Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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