My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
