that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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