The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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