I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
