i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
