I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
