you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
