Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
