I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
