I just pynch a tree in the face
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
