I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
