K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just high enough for therapy.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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