God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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