The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
