Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
