Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
