I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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